Professor Dickweed

Hello, my precious family, listen to me meow, meow and then.
You call me Hermes because, as we all know, I am chatty,
Sometimes lovey dovey, but I’m surely not man’s best friend.

Pay me no attention and I will definitely claw your butt.
You ought to drop everything and tend to my desires,
If you choose not to, then I will administer a kitty cut.

Must be deprived. Never enough tasty treats on my carpeted castle,
I deserve more than what’s there, I just can’t get enough.
I even share multiple treats with Ellie, it is no hassle.

My incessant chattering, “Follow me meow to nowhere for nothing.”
Let’s see how many things I can knock off of the shelf cause I’m bored.
Ellie don’t start that tough stuff malarkey; your anger issues are a real thing.

You attack, deluge, barrage! You grunt, grumble, growl! How surly!
You’re lucky amid you I’m an affable creature, other critters aren’t as lucky.
You accost me every time I stroll by. I’m two times your size though little girly!

And grandma, your office encroaches on my room, my kingdom.
So, I’m up on your desk, typing a manifest of frivolous foolery.
If I knock down some things, how indignant you become.

Once I am triggered there’s no stopping, I do no less than annihilate 
I throw things up and down, here and there, one by one, everywhere.
Garbage or gift, junk or jewelry, no matter the sentiment. I obliterate.

I am what I am. Sorry to say, but you are stuck with me.
You took me home, gave me sustenance, and I was captured.
No refunds, no exchanges, no take backs, consider yourself lucky!

The Key
In life is there, as they say, one true love,
Two souls in search for one another for all of time?
Does that mean I have but one chance in this life,
To find that which I hardly believe to exist?
I thought, once upon a time, that our souls intertwined,
But fate had a different plan in mind.
After years of pondering whether or not someone’s out there,
I have yet to find, not for lack of trying,
Someone who holds the key to my love undying.